From the state that brought you America's devastating map shortage, the National Socialist Movement proudly presents the dark horse that will take the country by storm next November... John Taylor Bowles, the Nazi candidate!

When City Paper first heard of Bowles’ presidential bid, like the fireman in the Capitol Café, we too thought it was a joke. Worse yet, we thought it was a sick one. Was the guy for real? When was the last time the National Socialist Movement even made headlines? Weren’t they, like the Klan, long washed away by the tides of progression, intellectualism and cultural tolerance? Apparently not. And judging by a CNN article just this month and a recent analysis by MSNBC, both the KKK and the NSM are coming back in style after the lull and disenfranchisement they suffered in the ’90s. Why then this sudden propulsion in the zeitgeist for extremist white supremacy groups? How about this for an answer: Illegal immigration. More so, Bowles says, it’s the refusal for either the Republicans or the Democrats to adequately deal with the problem. (Republicans don’t want to address illegal immigration because they want the cheap labor and Democrats don’t want to do anything about it because they want the vote, he says.)

Apparently, the Nazis have come all the way from conquering vast stretches of the Old World and committing genocide to tackling one of the hot-button issues of the 2008 election. But don't worry, all you white supremacists out there, the party's sticking to its roots (which may have something to do with these roots). In fact, its message of Caucasian control might have already made its way to a burning cross near you if Bowles hadn't suffered an unfortunate early setback:

In December 2006, John Taylor Bowles announced his candidacy for president on the NSM ticket with William Hoff as his running mate. The following day Hoff was killed in an auto accident, but Bowles plans to move forward with the campaign anyway.

God, if only we were clever enough to make this stuff up.