When a matter as important as the next leader of the free world is up for debate, the most intelligent, rational thing to do would be to organize a rigorous analysis of the candidates' respective policy plans, histories, diplomatic skills, and general leadership abilities. But this is America. So instead, we're gonna focus on who has the hottest wife.

To be fair, it's pretty easy to find some eye candy this early in the primary game, when fringe candidates have yet to drop out and sultry spouses like giantess Elizabeth Kucinich still make TV appearances. But the afore-linked-to Top Five Countdown still has a few big problems - Jackie Dodd over Judith Giuliani? This relatively creepy picture of Michelle Obama? And where in God's name is the fantastic Mrs. Colbert?

Unfortunately, the most famous spouse of all had to be left off the list due to a Y chromosome. But how upset can Bill really be? I can't imagine he misses any Future First Ladies of America meetings when some of the other members look like this.

If you think you're excited now, just wait until the Bikini Contest.