Our friends across the pond are cracking down on health care costs, and that means a rude awakening for rotund Redcoats. British schools will be sending letters to the parents of children as young as five if they are found to be obese when weighed on campus, a measure intended to counter the growing problem of growing poundage that, at current rates, will cause over 50% of the country's adult population to be obese by 2050.

The postal plan was approved by Health Secretary Alan Johnson, who claims that "it is in children’s best interest if their weight is brought formally to the attention of their parents." Johnson apparently believes that many British parents will go years and years without noticing the size of their children, only to wake up one day and startlingly yelp, "By jove, Henry, you're the size of Scotland Yard!"

What next? Well, there are always the rumblings of insurance companies moving to do to overweight people what they've done to smokers, but first the Brits might want to deal with those nasty wizard-caused metabolism problems.