Last Call Intern Diary: Interview with Brent Bradshaw, Last Call Writer

Last Call with Carson Daly

Untitled Document

Interview with Brent Bradshaw, Last Call Writer

Hello friends, Will Lerner here. Brent Bradshaw doesn't know the meaning of consistency. Some days he has a beard; some days he is clean-shaven. Sometimes he wears a white shirt, other times he’ll be wearing green or even blue. As you can tell, he’s a real wild card, so sitting down with him caused me to feel both a sense of nervousness and excitement. Please read what I think might just be the best piece of literature you’ll see today.

Will Lerner: Do you like alcoholic beverages?

Brent Bradshaw: To drink?

WL: Want to get drunk with me right now?

BB: We’re sort of in the middle of work here…have you been drinking at work?

WL: I’m sorry to tell you this, but that was a test of your character. And you failed. Why are you such a square?

BB: Well, I’m a professional.

WL: But seriously, want to get drunk?

BB: I guess you didn’t hear my last answer.

WL: I shouldn’t have anything to drink. My bladder is unusually small; my doctor described it to me as pixie-sized.

BB: People around the office…

WL: They know?

BB: It’s common knowledge, Will. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know?

WL: I feel a little bit ashamed of my pixie-sized bladder. Here’s a question, why when we’re passing in the hallways, and I say hi, why do you just smirk and give me a nod?

BB: Mostly because I don’t know who you are.

WL: Is it because I don’t earn enough?

BB: No, it’s mostly because I don’t know who you are.

WL: Is your hair naturally curly? Because I have evidence that that is a perm.

BB: Let’s see it. I have the right to see your evidence before I answer the question.

WL: You don’t get to see the evidence. I wanted to see if you would crack under the pressure.

BB: No, I’m all-natural.

WL: You play the character “Buddy” on the show. I wanted to pitch this idea to you. Buddy comes up on the stage dressed in parachute pants and a beanie. Thoughts?

BB: I zoned out there for a second. What did you say?

WL: I’ll repeat it because it’s a really good idea. Buddy comes up on the stage dressed in parachute pants and a beanie.

BB: There doesn’t seem to be an idea to it, it seems more like a wardrobe choice.

WL: Ok, but just picture it. He’s wearing the parachute pants. And he’s wearing the beanie.

BB: That’s not an idea, is all that I’m saying. That’s just two things that you can wear.

WL: I hadn’t finished. He’s also wearing…moon boots.

BB: Umm…what was your job before this?

WL: I didn’t have one.

BB: This is your first one?

WL: Yeah, first job.

BB: (under breath) Last one too.

WL: I’m going to put you down as saying that’s a great idea.

BB: You can put me down for that, but that’s not an idea, it’s a list of clothing.

WL: I’m going to say, “Carson, I have this great idea, Brent Bradshaw, one of your writers, has endorsed it. Brent loved it.”

BB: As long as I get paid for it, that’s fine.

WL: True or false: babes dig the guys who appear on television at 1:30 in the morning.

BB: Let’s just say they don’t not find it appealing if they are awake at 1:35. The trick is to change all the channels in whatever bar you’re in to NBC and stand on the bar and take off your shirt and say “Hey that’s me on television. Right now. Anybody interested?”

WL: Sorry, but let’s pretend we’re passing in a hallway: “Hey ______”.

BB: …

WL: Ok, you’re not saying anything.

BB: I nodded; you have to put that in brackets.

WL: Can you and I have an inside joke?

BB: Generally something has to happen, they come from a place.

WL: So the two of us couldn’t sit down and talk it out? Do some brainstorming?

BB: They are not generally created; they are found jokes.

WL: Oh, so I have to go find a joke and tell it to you.

BB: No…what would be a good inside joke? What about this thing with your bladder?

WL: That’s more of a…I’d rather not talk about it. I’d prefer people didn’t know.

BB: Everyone knows. I’ll tell you what, you know what we can use? Remember that time I went to the bathroom, and you were examining yourself in the mirror?

WL: Yeah, no, I mean no.

BB: No clothes.

WL: I’d rather not…

BB: That’ll be our inside joke.

WL: Ok, that’s great…

BB: I’ll see you, especially when I see you coming out of the bathroom, I’ll say, “kept your clothes on this time!”

WL: Yeah.

BB: And nobody else will know what I’m talking about.

WL: Yeah.

BB: Fully-nude in the bathroom is weird, especially at work at 3 in the afternoon.

WL: The air conditioning doesn’t work as well in the bathroom…

BB: You were spraying yourself with self-tanner. In the nude at 3 in the afternoon. At work.

WL: I don’t get the chance to go out on the weekends, I’m very busy…

BB: So our inside joke will be, “nice bronze you got going on.” “Will is a bronze god”. And they won’t know what I mean. But you’ll know I mean that I saw you spraying yourself with self-tanner at 3 in the afternoon at work in the bathroom. And you’ll enjoy the humor of that.

WL: I can’t wait to share this with people.

BB: No, you don’t tell anyone.

WL: Oh! Because it’s our inside joke.

BB: If you tell people, they’ll just think you’re a weirdo. You know if you’re going to spray self-tanner on yourself, you do it at home.

WL: Or in your work bathroom. It doesn’t say on the can you can’t do it at work. Show me a can that says you can’t do it at work.

BB: Fair enough. I will say, though, that that’s a nice shade for you.

WL: Chestnut, if anyone’s interested. Well, this interview has been something, and I will probably remember it.

BB: This probably will be the last time I will ever think about it. But I am glad that it’s over.