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August 08, 12:21 PM

Things I’m Thankful For

Hello friends, Will Lerner here. Get your buckle shoes and buckle hat on, start heating up that turkey, and start working on a decorative cornucopia centerpiece, because it’s only 110+ days ‘til Thanksgivin’!


I thought I’d get the holiday pre-celebration started by letting you guys and gals know ten things I am thankful for:


1) Comedy Central’s roast of America’s foremost musical talent, Flavor Flav! If I had to pick one person who above all else deserved an entire night to him or herself, it’d be the “Flavor of Love” star. This guy has been bringing quality entertainment to the television airwaves for years now! Seriously, Comedy Central, please put more decent and warm-hearted mensches like him on the air. I mean, Carlos Mencia can only shoulder the load so much!

2) Hugs!

3) Lists of ten things! Did I just blow your mind? In one small sentence I made this entry a paradox. Among my many talents, astonishing people by simply being me, is one of them. And for all you “Harvard” types out there, I honestly couldn’t care less if you think I didn’t use the word “paradox” correctly. You nerds need to go suck an egg.

4) Warm bagels!

5) The Spanish word for pencil sharpener: sacapuntas!

6) The polyps in George W. Bush’s colon! A few weeks ago our nation’s 43rd President, George W. Bush, underwent surgery and thus had to transfer power for a few short hours to a guy I really love, Dick Cheney! Dick is my personal super-star number one cool guy! I’d like to thank Mr. Bush for allowing “The Dick” to be in charge for a little while.

7) The FOX Channel! You know, you guys really helped us regular Joes out when you got rid of that “intellectual” show “Arrested Development”! Man, talk about brainy. Those Harvard nerds that I told to go suck an egg are probably the only ones who could appreciate it. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, you can tell how funny a show is by the amount of people who watch it. That’s why “American Dad” is still on! It’s funny because people watch it because it’s funny.

8) Circular logic!

9) The 2007 comedy smash, “License to Wed”! I’d like to thank the four writers it took to come up with this laugh-a-minute riot! You can tell a movie is funny depending on how many people were involved in the script. It’s like the old saying, too many chefs make really great pot, or whatever. Think about it, the more people; the more tasty things you can put in.

10) Ugly, ugly children. Without you guys, the adorable children stars of movies and television wouldn’t charm us so completely.


Ok amigos and amigas, that’s all for now. Make sure you catch my next posting, because it will be a Christmas themed one! Green parachute pants and red beanies being worn by Last Call staffers!

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