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August 03, 05:26 PM
Joel McHale Interview
Hello friends, Will Lerner here. Suffice to say my interview with Patton Oswalt catapulted me to a level of fame that I’m not sure I can handle. Now every Joey Q. WantsToBeAStar and Sally T. NeedsToBeFamous are knocking on my door trying to get a taste, a whiff, a brush of my celebrity. However, some truly BIG names do manage to capture my imagination. The latest being Joel McHale, star of E!’s “The Soup.” Please read what was a meeting of two Hollywood Heavyweights.

Will Lerner: Yellowstone National Park. The Hoover Dam. Joel McHale. How did you become a national landmark?
Joel McHale: I’m going to say it’s my majestic geysers.
WL: Like Yellowstone?
JM: A different type of geyser that happens after sushi.
WL: You were on the NBC show “Will and Grace”. Which one did you play?
JM: I played George C. Scott. It was a huge stretch for me.
WL: Yeah.
JM: No, I played a guy named Ian, and my nickname was Frankenst-ian. I got hired because I was really good at playing dumb. How surprising that I work for “E!”
WL: Have you ever considered becoming a soccer player and changing your name to Goal McHale?
JM: Yes I have.
WL: If you could have dinner with any person alive or dead, the only rule being that their first name had to be Will, which happens to be my name, who would you choose?
JM: William Tell.
WL: Ok, I’m slightly disappointed that you didn’t pick me.
JM: Well, what are you going to do about it, four eyes?
WL: Wow. I’m just going to say I’m at the Bob’s Big Boy every Thursday, nine o’clock.
JM: How about you’re there every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday you’re at the Bob’s Big Boy?
WL: How did you know that?
JM: I can tell by your weight.
WL: Thank you. How would you respond to this statement: “Seattle’s Best (a coffee brand) should put Joel McHale on its packaging to truly represent what great things the city has to offer”.
JM: Can you repeat the question? I still feel bad about insulting you.
WL: I feel bad about it too.
JM: I’m going to let it go, this time. But not next time.
WL: You want me to repeat my last question?
JM: Yeah, say it again.
WL: How would you respond to this…
JM: Got it. Continue.
WL: Now that we’re done…
JM: No, we’re not done! Ask the question.
WL: How would you respond to this statement: “Seattle’s Best (a coffee brand) should put Joel McHale on its packaging to truly represent what great things the city has to offer”.
JM: What should they put on the…?
WL: How would you respond to that statement?
JM: If I was on the bag?
WL: No, they should put you on the bag…
JM: Oh, if they did that?
WL: No, they should put you on…
JM: Oh, you’re saying they should put me on the bag.
WL: Because you’re from the Seattle area…
JM: Right, right, right.
WL: And it’s called Seattle’s best…
JM: Right.
WL: Since you are Seattle’s best…
JM: Thank you.
WL: I’m trying to compliment you.
JM: Oh! Thank you!
WL: Well it’s too late now; I take it back.
JM: If I work for “E!”, which I do, you do not have to read or write or follow logical thought, and that’s how I got the job. Forgive me, Will.
WL: Hey, no problem.
JM: Are you still upset?
WL: Yeah.
JM: S**t.
WL: Pretty bummed out.
JM: Want a job at E!? I can get you on Sunset Tan right now.
WL: I don’t want burn my bridges here, but I hate it here. I have a lot of problems with the host, the executive producer…
JM: Will, I have some questions for you.
WL: Ok.
JM: Complete this statement: When I murder a prostitute I hide their bodies to have sex with them in ______.
WL: Did I kill the prostitute or did someone else?
JM: It doesn’t matter, really.
WL: Well, there are intricacies.
JM: I ruined it. Another one. Fill this: When I, Will, was on “To Catch a Predator,” I brought _____ with me for the 13 year old.
WL: Movie tickets. I mean I wasn’t on that show.
JM: Right. Nice.
WL: Any other questions for me?
JM: Yes. Umm. Nope.
WL: It was a pleasure and an honor to meet you.
JM: Are you still mad at me?
WL: Yeah.
JM: Damn it!
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