Last Call Intern Diary: Interview with Tom Lennon

Last Call with Carson Daly

Untitled Document

Interview with Tom Lennon

Tom Lennon is a tremendous actor, comedian, writer, director, and if Michael Flatley is Lord of the Dance, then Tom is a photo finish runner up. I got a chance to talk with the star of “Reno 911”! and “Balls of Fury”.

Will Lerner: You describe yourself as two cups Lindsay Lohan, three tablespoons Britney Spears, and a pinch of Walter Cronkite. Why so?

Tom Lennon: Obviously the figure of Cronkite, the depth of performance of Lohan, and just the general joiedevivre slash crazy ass meth induced bulls*** of Britney Spears.

WL: I didn’t graduate high school, could you just spell that one word for me?

TL: Which one?

WL: The French one. Shwada, shwada…

TL: Joiedevivre?

WL: Yes.

TL: It’s spelled exactly like of “joy of life” in French.

WL: Ok.

TL: You see what I’m saying?

WL: Yes, just go to Free Translation and...

TL: Just go to Babelfish.

WL: Babelfish.

TL: Yeah.

WL: I haven’t heard of that one.

TL: You haven’t heard of Babelfish?

WL: No.

TL: Yeah you have.

WL: No, I really haven’t.

TL: Who’s bulls****ing who now? And since you didn’t go to high school you should know that it’s who’s bulls****ing whom now.

WL: I didn’t know of Babelfish.

TL: J-O-I-E…

WL: Are you spelling Babelfish or…

TL: You’ll find out in a second.

WL: Ok.

TL: D-E-V-I-V…and here’s where it’s going to blow your f***ing mind…

WL: It’s already been blown, but go ahead.

TL: You ready?

WL: Yes.

TL: V-I-V…R-E.

TL: They pronounce, those f***ing French, they pronounce “Viv-re” as “Vivvvv”.

WL: I just want to make a note that my mind HAS been blown. The greatest President of the 1850’s: Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, or James Buchanan?

TL: That’s a trick question because none of those men were Presidents of the 1840’s.

WL: Well, the question was of the 1850’s.

TL: Oh, oh, oh! The 1850’s! Oh you are correct then, you are correct.

WL: It is a trick question though.

TL: It is a trick question because I think of those guys is not.

WL: They all were, but it’s a trick question…

TL: Because they all sucked.

WL: No, I left out Zachary Taylor.

TL: Zachary Taylor…white supremacist, right? Or something?

WL: Well, he did other things, Constitution I think.

TL: I’m more of a James K. Polk guy.

WL: The Dark Horse candidate.

TL: Napoleon of the stump. What was your question? Who was the best one?

WL: Yeah, but you know, I already said…

TL: You already said.

WL: Yeah, I already gave my…

TL: Gave your vote.

WL: Yeah.

TL: So basically that was a lead-up for you to tell me who you thought the best one was.

WL: Yeah. I’m going to bill this as an interview…

TL: Where I back up your thoughts.

WL: Yes.

TL: I’m corroborating, you’re not interviewing me, I’m corroborating s*** you already think.

WL: Nobody likes me here, so I’m looking for some support.

TL: So I’m your “yes” man, your “wing” man.

WL: Exactly. According to something I made up in my head, you narrowly beat out Michael Keaton for the role of “Lieutenant Jim Dangle ” on “Reno 911”.

TL: That’s true. That is true, the thing you made up in your head. Did you make it up in your head that he blew it in the dance audition?

WL: No, I didn’t, what happened?

TL: His jazz hands didn’t have sparkle all the way to the tips.

WL: And yours did?

TL: …

WL: I just want to make a note, I offended Tom Lennon with that question. Is there any bad blood between the two of you?

TL: Me and Keats?

WL: Yes.

TL: Ask him.

WL: Ask him, ok.

TL: Ask that piece of s*** if there’s any bad blood between us.

WL: Your character on Reno 911!, Lieutenant Jim Dangle, is maybe the best example of pure testosterone on cable television today.

TL: Period.

WL: Ever.

TL: That’s not a question, that’s a statement again.

WL: What’s it like to be a modern-day John Wayne?

TL: First I’d like to point out, the other John Wayne, is technically, in the history of Earth is also a modern-day John Wayne.

WL: In this present, what’s it like to be a present-version of John Wayne.

TL: Ok, the present, but you said modern-day.

WL: I just corrected it.

TL: Ok, but if you look at human life, we’re the coat of paint on the top of the Eiffel Tower. So me and John Wayne are basically competing in the same era of human society.

WL: He is the boxer in the left corner with the red shorts, and you are the boxer in the right corner with the blue shorts.

TL: Right, in Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots, is that what you’re getting at?

WL: Yes. May I read a review of one of your movies?

TL: Which one is it?

WL: Can I read it?

TL: Which one is it?

WL: Can I read it?

TL: It depends, and then I’ll tell you something about writing.

WL: “The English Patient”.

TL: Yes, “The English Patient,” we’re proud of that one.

WL: Can I read it? One critic wrote it “captivates as only the grandest and most consuming passions can.” What was your process for writing that film?

TL: The first thing we did was we rented “The English Patient,” the very successful film that had been made with Ralph Fiennes. And we just transcribed it. It was probably one of the fastest script jobs we’ve ever done. Because I can type pretty fast.

WL: What are four things you like about me? I’m in need of some positive feedback because I’m perilously close to losing my job here; apparently they don’t like it when I talk to guests of the show.

TL: I can’t imagine why, because certainly, first and foremost you’re joiedevivre.

WL: Could you spell that?

TL: Again, I won’t spell it for you. I think you could use to better yourself…

WL: Babelfish.

TL: By Babelfishing some words. People might like you better if you could spell some colloquial French expressions. And not only that, but like, sacre bleu and esprit de corps.

WL: Is that something you like about me, because that sounded…

TL: No, it was more of a note, it was a note of how you could do better.

WL: Two things you like about me.

TL: Umm…

WL: One thing you like about me.

TL: We’ll go with the glasses.

WL: Thank you, I appreciate that.

TL: And the hair.

WL: So two things, wow, I’m touched.

TL: Well, they only go together, they’re one thing. Neither one is powerful enough to stand on its own. As a team, in an esprit de corps though…and again, look it up.

Comments (298) permalink

Posted by Last Call at 04:02 PM

COMMENTS

Comme vous etes belle. Comme vous me semblez bon.

Vous etes le phoenix des hotes de ce bois.

Posted by Will's Mom

August 09, 2007

I have no idea what your mom said. Also, why didn't you ask him more pressing questions, like:

"Don't I know you from that song 'Twist and Shout'?"

Posted by Brian Danielak

August 14, 2007

omg this interview = way more interesting than whoever the hell carson daly is. i mean... carson daly is awesome, and everybody in 2007 watches tv and loves it.

anyway... MORE WILL MORE!!!!! loves the reno 911.... and the sweatband

Posted by frenemy #1

August 17, 2007

Like I say to all the people "Jamais, jamais mange la neige jaune!"

Posted by Pierre Radisson

August 18, 2007

such (wow power leveling)324234234234242342

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