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Untitled Document
November 04, 2007
October 07, 2007
September 30, 2007
September 23, 2007
September 16, 2007
September 09, 2007
September 02, 2007
August 05, 2007
July 29, 2007
July 22, 2007
July 15, 2007
July 08, 2007
June 17, 2007
June 03, 2007
March 04, 2007
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August 09, 04:02 PM
Interview with Tom Lennon
Tom Lennon is a tremendous actor, comedian, writer, director, and if Michael Flatley is Lord of the Dance, then Tom is a photo finish runner up. I got a chance to talk with the star of “Reno 911”! and “Balls of Fury”.
Will Lerner: You describe yourself as two cups Lindsay Lohan, three tablespoons Britney Spears, and a pinch of Walter Cronkite. Why so?
Tom Lennon: Obviously the figure of Cronkite, the depth of performance of Lohan, and just the general joiedevivre slash crazy ass meth induced bulls*** of Britney Spears.
WL: I didn’t graduate high school, could you just spell that one word for me?
TL: Which one?
WL: The French one. Shwada, shwada…
TL: Joiedevivre?
WL: Yes.
TL: It’s spelled exactly like of “joy of life” in French.
WL: Ok.
TL: You see what I’m saying?
WL: Yes, just go to Free Translation and...
TL: Just go to Babelfish.
WL: Babelfish.
TL: Yeah.
WL: I haven’t heard of that one.
TL: You haven’t heard of Babelfish?
WL: No.
TL: Yeah you have.
WL: No, I really haven’t.
TL: Who’s bulls****ing who now? And since you didn’t go to high school you should know that it’s who’s bulls****ing whom now.
WL: I didn’t know of Babelfish.
TL: J-O-I-E…
WL: Are you spelling Babelfish or…
TL: You’ll find out in a second.
WL: Ok.
TL: D-E-V-I-V…and here’s where it’s going to blow your f***ing mind…
WL: It’s already been blown, but go ahead.
TL: You ready?
WL: Yes.
TL: V-I-V…R-E.
TL: They pronounce, those f***ing French, they pronounce “Viv-re” as “Vivvvv”.
WL: I just want to make a note that my mind HAS been blown. The greatest President of the 1850’s: Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, or James Buchanan?
TL: That’s a trick question because none of those men were Presidents of the 1840’s.
WL: Well, the question was of the 1850’s.
TL: Oh, oh, oh! The 1850’s! Oh you are correct then, you are correct.
WL: It is a trick question though.
TL: It is a trick question because I think of those guys is not.
WL: They all were, but it’s a trick question…
TL: Because they all sucked.
WL: No, I left out Zachary Taylor.
TL: Zachary Taylor…white supremacist, right? Or something?
WL: Well, he did other things, Constitution I think.
TL: I’m more of a James K. Polk guy.
WL: The Dark Horse candidate.
TL: Napoleon of the stump. What was your question? Who was the best one?
WL: Yeah, but you know, I already said…
TL: You already said.
WL: Yeah, I already gave my…
TL: Gave your vote.
WL: Yeah.
TL: So basically that was a lead-up for you to tell me who you thought the best one was.
WL: Yeah. I’m going to bill this as an interview…
TL: Where I back up your thoughts.
WL: Yes.
TL: I’m corroborating, you’re not interviewing me, I’m corroborating s*** you already think.
WL: Nobody likes me here, so I’m looking for some support.
TL: So I’m your “yes” man, your “wing” man.
WL: Exactly. According to something I made up in my head, you narrowly beat out Michael Keaton for the role of “Lieutenant Jim Dangle ” on “Reno 911”.
TL: That’s true. That is true, the thing you made up in your head. Did you make it up in your head that he blew it in the dance audition?
WL: No, I didn’t, what happened?
TL: His jazz hands didn’t have sparkle all the way to the tips.
WL: And yours did?
TL: …
WL: I just want to make a note, I offended Tom Lennon with that question. Is there any bad blood between the two of you?
TL: Me and Keats?
WL: Yes.
TL: Ask him.
WL: Ask him, ok.
TL: Ask that piece of s*** if there’s any bad blood between us.
WL: Your character on Reno 911!, Lieutenant Jim Dangle, is maybe the best example of pure testosterone on cable television today.
TL: Period.
WL: Ever.
TL: That’s not a question, that’s a statement again.
WL: What’s it like to be a modern-day John Wayne?
TL: First I’d like to point out, the other John Wayne, is technically, in the history of Earth is also a modern-day John Wayne.
WL: In this present, what’s it like to be a present-version of John Wayne.
TL: Ok, the present, but you said modern-day.
WL: I just corrected it.
TL: Ok, but if you look at human life, we’re the coat of paint on the top of the Eiffel Tower. So me and John Wayne are basically competing in the same era of human society.
WL: He is the boxer in the left corner with the red shorts, and you are the boxer in the right corner with the blue shorts.
TL: Right, in Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots, is that what you’re getting at?
WL: Yes. May I read a review of one of your movies?
TL: Which one is it?
WL: Can I read it?
TL: Which one is it?
WL: Can I read it?
TL: It depends, and then I’ll tell you something about writing.
WL: “The English Patient”.
TL: Yes, “The English Patient,” we’re proud of that one.
WL: Can I read it? One critic wrote it “captivates as only the grandest and most consuming passions can.” What was your process for writing that film?
TL: The first thing we did was we rented “The English Patient,” the very successful film that had been made with Ralph Fiennes. And we just transcribed it. It was probably one of the fastest script jobs we’ve ever done. Because I can type pretty fast.
WL: What are four things you like about me? I’m in need of some positive feedback because I’m perilously close to losing my job here; apparently they don’t like it when I talk to guests of the show.
TL: I can’t imagine why, because certainly, first and foremost you’re joiedevivre.
WL: Could you spell that?
TL: Again, I won’t spell it for you. I think you could use to better yourself…
WL: Babelfish.
TL: By Babelfishing some words. People might like you better if you could spell some colloquial French expressions. And not only that, but like, sacre bleu and esprit de corps.
WL: Is that something you like about me, because that sounded…
TL: No, it was more of a note, it was a note of how you could do better.
WL: Two things you like about me.
TL: Umm…
WL: One thing you like about me.
TL: We’ll go with the glasses.
WL: Thank you, I appreciate that.
TL: And the hair.
WL: So two things, wow, I’m touched.
TL: Well, they only go together, they’re one thing. Neither one is powerful enough to stand on its own. As a team, in an esprit de corps though…and again, look it up.
August 08, 12:21 PM
Things I’m Thankful For
Hello friends, Will Lerner here. Get your buckle shoes and buckle hat on, start heating up that turkey, and start working on a decorative cornucopia centerpiece, because it’s only 110+ days ‘til Thanksgivin’!
I thought I’d get the holiday pre-celebration started by letting you guys and gals know ten things I am thankful for:
1) Comedy Central’s roast of America’s foremost musical talent, Flavor Flav! If I had to pick one person who above all else deserved an entire night to him or herself, it’d be the “Flavor of Love” star. This guy has been bringing quality entertainment to the television airwaves for years now! Seriously, Comedy Central, please put more decent and warm-hearted mensches like him on the air. I mean, Carlos Mencia can only shoulder the load so much!
2) Hugs!
3) Lists of ten things! Did I just blow your mind? In one small sentence I made this entry a paradox. Among my many talents, astonishing people by simply being me, is one of them. And for all you “Harvard” types out there, I honestly couldn’t care less if you think I didn’t use the word “paradox” correctly. You nerds need to go suck an egg.
4) Warm bagels!
5) The Spanish word for pencil sharpener: sacapuntas!
6) The polyps in George W. Bush’s colon! A few weeks ago our nation’s 43rd President, George W. Bush, underwent surgery and thus had to transfer power for a few short hours to a guy I really love, Dick Cheney! Dick is my personal super-star number one cool guy! I’d like to thank Mr. Bush for allowing “The Dick” to be in charge for a little while.
7) The FOX Channel! You know, you guys really helped us regular Joes out when you got rid of that “intellectual” show “Arrested Development”! Man, talk about brainy. Those Harvard nerds that I told to go suck an egg are probably the only ones who could appreciate it. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, you can tell how funny a show is by the amount of people who watch it. That’s why “American Dad” is still on! It’s funny because people watch it because it’s funny.
8) Circular logic!
9) The 2007 comedy smash, “License to Wed”! I’d like to thank the four writers it took to come up with this laugh-a-minute riot! You can tell a movie is funny depending on how many people were involved in the script. It’s like the old saying, too many chefs make really great pot, or whatever. Think about it, the more people; the more tasty things you can put in.
10) Ugly, ugly children. Without you guys, the adorable children stars of movies and television wouldn’t charm us so completely.
Ok amigos and amigas, that’s all for now. Make sure you catch my next posting, because it will be a Christmas themed one! Green parachute pants and red beanies being worn by Last Call staffers!
August 07, 12:08 PM
Interview with Executive Producer, David Friedman
Quick, think of who, above all others, is your greatest hero. Have one? Well, I’m going to guess that most of you were thinking Michael Jordan or Abraham Lincoln or your parents or Cybil Shepard. My hero is Last Call with Carson Daly’s executive producer, David Friedman. Besides being the most intelligent person I know, he has commendable hygiene and obeys most traffic laws. His resume is impressive, besides the hit television shows he has worked on; David is clairvoyant and makes a world-famous three-meat chili. He makes all the decisions that make the show what it is and God bless him for it. He also signs my paycheck! I got to sit down with David and chew the fat.
Will Lerner: Position?
David Friedman: Mine?
WL: Yeah.
DF: Executive producer.
WL: How long did it take you to get to this position of power?
DF: Power? Am I in power?
WL: Yes, you are.
DF: About six months.
WL: Really?
DF: I was being sarcastic.
WL: Really, because someone as obviously talented as you would seemingly already be running this network by now. On another and completely unrelated topic, you decide my future here, right?
DF: Yes, you just insulted me though. You said I should be running the network but instead I’m running a show that’s on at 1:30 in the morning.
WL: Umm, skipping ahead, I don't want to seem too sycophantic or hyperbolic…
DF: I don’t know what either of those two words mean.
WL: But you are really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, great. Now that I've paid you such a sincere compliment, maybe you'd like to say something to me?
DF: No.
WL: So, do you know Carson?
DF: Yes, I do, he’s a big part of the show.
WL: He doesn’t know who I am.
DF: That’s not true, I saw a picture of the two of you online.
WL: He didn’t know I was taking it.
DF: Carson’s great.
WL: How great? Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, great?
DF: Not that great. Just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really great.
WL: You told me that my idea of having a show where we just show Last Call staffers wearing parachute pants and beanies posing on set was stupid. I was hoping for some clarification as to why you think this.
DF: If you need clarification as to why that idea is stupid, then you are, in fact, stupid.
WL: Can I tell you a new idea that might interest you?
DF: Is it as bad as that other one?
WL: No, well…ok, first of all, I don’t think that other idea was bad. My new idea…
DF: Will I think it is as bad as the first idea?
WL: I think I’m about to find out.
DF: Shoot.
WL: It's totally different from that last thing I just told you. Ok, get this, Last Call staffers wearing parachute pants, beanies, and moon boots.
DF: Ok, that’s equally as stupid. In fact, I think it’s the same idea.
WL: It’s not; they’re wearing moon boots.
DF: Alright, next question.
WL: No, hold on, let me just sell it a little harder…they stand there, no one talks.
DF: Right, this is television.
WL: Exactly!
DF: No, it’s boring.
WL: Alright, if you’re asking for some dialogue, we could have them murmur.
DF: Have you heard Damien Rice’s cover of “Creep”?
WL: No…
DF: Keep going…
Editor’s Note: David now starts to put on a CD.
WL: You’re going to try and drown me out, aren’t you?
Editor’s Note: I’m referring to the tape recorder I’m using to capture this interview.
DF: It doesn’t matter; this won’t see the light of the day.
WL: Let's say one wanted to know a way to get a promotion in this office without having to do all that "working hard" or "gaining experience" crap you throw around. No offense.
Damien Rice: “I don’t belong here…”
DF: Hear that? “I don’t belong here”? Is that telling you something? So you want to know how to get a promotion here?
WL: Yeah, I don’t want to work hard, I don’t want to have to learn anything, I show up late at least four days out of five a week, if I show up at all.
DF: Do you even work here anymore?
WL: Technically, no. I had to jump the gate to get inside here. Give me three words that would sum up your feelings on working here. Here are mine, and I want to remind you of your promise to not get upset about the three words that I would use to sum up my feelings about working here.
DF: I didn’t promise that.
WL: Yeah, well, you did, so, anyway: ducklings, absinthe, hell-on-earth. And torture. And pain. So, really, five words.
DF: Is hell-on-earth one word?
WL: Hyphenated, yes.
DF: If you’re so miserable here you can go back to the job you had before this.
WL: I didn’t have a job.
DF: Exactly.
WL: You guys found me on the street, I was trying to rob an old woman…Judging by your stony silence, I'm guessing my time is up. I'll leave you with this thought: Please promote me. Seriously, please promote me, I'm five thousand dollars in debt. It's my fault in many ways, I have sixteen credit cards that I don't really keep track of.
DF: Is that true?
WL: No.
DF: So you’re a pathological liar?
WL: No.
DF: Is that a lie?
WL: Ye…I mean no.
Person pictured in above photos may or may not be David Friedman.
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