July 31, 05:03 PM
Tips on How To Be More Popular at Work
Hello friends, Will Lerner here. Over the past few weeks I have managed to get more responsibility and pay despite putting in less effort and my penchant for taking things from peoples’ offices. How have I managed this you ask? There is no way to put it other than: I am extremely popular. I don’t want to exaggerate my persona too much, but it is safe to say that in this dreary, decrepit, and foul-smelling office, I am a burst of pure, unadulterated sunshine. Since I joined the team, our suicide rate is forty percent lower!
Now you’re probably wondering, how can I acquire this amount of respect and goodwill? Since I am as generous as I am popular, I have decided to give you guys and gals some tips on how to become office royalty. Past luminaries of my school of thought have taken these pearls of wisdom and become darlings of this nation, including:
• Dakota Fanning
• Meg Ryan
• Sam Donaldson
• Jonathan Lipnicki
• Julia Roberts
• Ted Stevens
So let’s get to it!
• Don’t just say hello; SCREAM it! If anything, it will help the recipient of your greeting wake up a little bit. It also shows enthusiasm.
• Want to get to know someone a little better? Where’s a more intimate meeting place than the bathroom? Just keep an eye on the guy or gal you want to strike a new friendship with and follow them when they have to go!
• Wear the latest trends. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING works better than wearing a t-shirt with a popular television character on it. The other day I wore a Carlos Mencia t-shirt, with this line from “Mind of Mencia”: “Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?” LOL’ERS!
o Side note: Carlos Mencia is the diggety bomb, and that joke proves it. Never has television seen such a man whose wit and satire is so cutting!
• This tip is closely related to my last one. Everyone loves the guy or gal who punches out catchphrase after catchphrase from popular television shows or movies that gross more than 30 million in its opening week! For instance, I always make sure to start the week off by blurting out a few “Dee-dee-dee”s from my all-time favorite comedy show “Mind of Mencia”.
o Side note: I LOVE “Mind of Mencia”. He’s been labeled the newest “Bad Boy of Comedy” by some, and even addressed that HILARIOUSLY in a recent episode. I just want to add myself to the list of people who agree with that. He’s really, really, really, really bad!
• Figure out where someone is from and use their expressions to make them feel more at home. One of our writers is from Arkansas, so I use the handy Southern expression “ya’ll” around him every other chance I get. Our cue card lady is from London so I make sure to sure to say “Lor' luv a duck! Hello, 'ow are yew today?” instead of “Hello, how are you?” They love it!
• One last tip: If you have a new piece of technology, flash it around as much as possible! The newest and best thing to show off these days is the new Apple Iphone. Having trouble bringing it up in conversation? Well ask someone if they’d like you to Google something for him or her. If they say yes, then bam, use the Internet function in front of them. If no, say, “Pity, because with my new Apple Iphone, I could look something up for you in no time flat!” It’s a win-win situation.
Ok friends, that's all for now, make sure to keep checking this blog because soon we'll have pictures of Last Call staffers wearing parachute pants and beanies!
Will, great news about more pay for less work. Just like working for New York State!
The topic is quite curious, i must say
Also Available for Download
Subscribe to the Last Call PA Blog
