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Kung Fu Balls

Shaolin Kung Fu monks can pretty much do anything. They can throw needles through glass, break metal rods over their heads, hoist themselves onto spears and nails without getting cut, and they can eat glass.

On Sunday evening, for the first time ever in Philadelphia, members of the Songshan Shaolin Temple in China staged a Kung Fu performance at Benjamin Franklin High School.

Of the many Kung Fu tricks they performed, by far the most amazing was called “little boy lifts a bucket of water.” This is a feat in which a monk lifts a 5-gallon bucket of water with a cloth belt tied to his balls. I’m not kidding.

Nor am I kidding when I say that I was the audience member selected to verify that the sash was, in fact, tied to the monk’s balls.

Before I tell the tale, some background is in order. Almost all these monks were teenagers; one of them looked to be about 10 years old. They live at the Songshan Shaolin Temple in Hunan Province, China, where they have been training since they were toddlers. The Shaolin masters there never leave the temple but send their students out to raise money through performances.

For every super-human Kung Fu feat, the monks would select an audience member to come on stage and authenticate that they were actually doing these things and not merely pulling optical illusions. For some feats, such as breaking metal rods over their heads or eating glass, they would bring the metal and glass into the crowd beforehand and let audience members touch them, just to be sure.

For the ball sack trick, a young monk stood stage center and gathered his chi (they always take a minute to gather their chi, or qigong). Then he untied the black sash around his waist, reached his hand down into his orange monk pants and, to everyone’s surprise, tied one end of the sash to his balls.

At this point, another monk came down from the stage and started walking toward me. I had been sitting in the front row, taking pictures. When I saw him coming I was afraid. He motioned me to follow him and I did. You don’t disobey a Kung Fu monk.

I wasn’t sure what they wanted me to do. Other audience members had gone on stage to assist the monks, but this was different. A Kung Fu monk had just tied a sash to his balls, what did they want with me? The monk handed me the end of the sash. This gave me a weird feeling. Then he motioned for me to look down his pants, where I saw that indeed the sash was tied to his balls. To emphasize this fact he gave the sash a little tug.

Having done my part, the monks bowed to me and I left the stage as the audience applauded. I had seen a Shaolin monk’s balls. I kept thinking: What does this mean?

I didn’t ponder for long because up on stage a couple monks had brought out two chairs and a five-gallon bucket of water. The monk with the sash around his balls gathered more chi as he got up and straddled the chairs. The other monks placed the bucket between the chairs. It was obvious what was about to happen.

Strange, tinny Asian techno music blared through the speakers. The monk crouched low over the bucket and tied the loose end of the sash to the bucket handle. The crowd held its breath (‘he really isn’t going to…’). And then he did it. With a Kung Fu yell the monk stood up and pulled the full bucket of water off the ground with his balls.

And then something amazing happened. He began to sway his hips, swinging the bucket forward and backward. His eyes were closed; he was perfectly serene. Not a drop of water spilled.

I gained a new respect for Shaolin monks that day. To be honest, I never really believed they could do superhuman feats. In my ignorance, I thought being a Kung Fu monk was all about flying jump kicks and silently climbing walls. I never knew their true power; I never knew the strength of Kung Fu balls.

Posted by John at 02:37 PM | Comments (4)

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