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November 16, 10:54 PM
HOW TO WORK WELL WITH OTHERS
A blog on the internet,
By Dwight K. Schrute
Sometimes people need to learn to work together and cooperate. This is called sharing. They teach it to kids.
We learned it while growing up on Schrute Farm.
Grampa Schrute used to say “Learn to share or I’ll eat you.”
Grampa Manheim used to say “Share and share alike, but do it better than the other kid.”
Here’s an example of getting along in a workplace environment:
For instance, you need to use the copy machine, and another co-worker, (who is huge and dumb as a musk oxen and works in accounting) is already using the machine to photocopy a picture of a girl with a surfboard from a magazine.
When I find myself in this situation, I become like the Governator from Terminator 1 and have these 3-4 choices pop up on a screen inside my human head.
The choices might be:
1) Stop what you are doing now and let me use the machine because I am your superior in every way.
2) Use a dragon pinch on his Carotid artery and cause him to collapse. (Jump back! Don’t get trapped under there!)
3) Yell out, “there’s a box of day old donut holes in the kitchen and they’re going fast!” as a diversion.
4) Say, “Excuse me, Kevin, but I have some very important Assistant Regional Manager photocopying to do and as soon as you can possibly finish up, I would ever so greatly appreciate it. So, whenever you’re done… “
So, assuming that I’m not forced or goaded into a dragon pinch ™ I would opt for the polite, civil and beneficent option 4.
That is called working well with others.
We have recently had a situation at the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin (which rules, by the way! It will always be #1. Yeeehaw!) in which some of the cast-offs from Stamford have been sent over to work with us, or work under us as the case may be.
People ask me all the time, ‘Dwight, how did you get to be what you are.’ And ‘How do you always, get to the top of the heap’ and ‘Is there any more of that Marmalade?’ (That was Mose in that last one. Actually those were ALL from Mose.)
I answer, “First, establish dominance. Second, show everyone who’s boss. Third, use humor and or sexuality to get what you want. Fourth: Get to work earliest. Fifth, Don’t let anyone see your flaws. Sixth, ‘ABC’ Which stands for ‘Always Be Closing’. Seventh, don’t let Jim beat you at anything. Eighth, remember that ancient Celtic war chant, still used at many school sporting events, ‘Be Aggressive! Be Be Aggressive! Be Aggressive! Be Be Aggressive!”
I hope that has answered some of your questions.
Until next time, I am,
Dwight K. Schrute
PS. That is all.
COMMENTS
I rarely comment on blogs but yours I had to stop and say Great Blog!!
He learned about justice or rather injustice early in his life. Cesar grew up in Arizona; the small adobe home, where Cesar was born was swindled from them by dishonest Anglos. Cesar's father agreed to clear eighty acres of land and in exchange he would receive the deed to forty acres of land that adjoined the home. The agreement was broken and the land sold to a man named Justus Jackson. Cesar's dad went to a lawyer who advised him to borrow money and buy the land. Later when Cesar's father could not pay the interest on the loan the lawyer bought back the land and sold it to the original owner. Cesar learned a lesson about injustice that he would never forget. Later, he would say, The love for justice that is in us is not only the best part of our being but it is also the most true to our nature.
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Scommettevo che avete speso molto tempo lavorare al luogo. Ha valso la pena di fare;)
Interesting comments.. :D
Stupore! Amo questo luogo!:)))))))
Lo trovo piuttosto impressionante. Lavoro grande fatto..)
ooo! it's one of the best sites ever! :)
Desidero appena dire che e un luogo ben cotto
Ich besichtige deinen Aufstellungsort wieder bald fur sicheres!
9 su 10! Ottenerlo! Siete buoni!
sono eccitato circa questo luogo, buon lavoro!:)
mmm.. nice design, I must say..
Interessare, molto interessante. Come avete fatto questo?
Lo trovo piuttosto impressionante. Lavoro grande fatto..)
Scommettevo che avete speso molto tempo lavorare al luogo. Ha valso la pena di fare;)
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I hate standing there waiting to use the copy machine when somebody else is using it. I sit too far away to just go back to my desk. The small talk is so awkward. "You making some copies?" "Yeah, you too?" "Yeah... those darn copies. So... how's work today?"
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Dwight,
I am currently seeking employment and was wondering if Schrute Farm is hiring? I can do anything on a farm, except I do freak out when I see cows being milked. I hope that is not a problem.
Dwight,
Listen buddy, I know that you think you are Jim's superior, but your postion as Asistant to the ARM, yes the real ARM, you must keep in mind, even though micheal loves you like a brah, you must act realistic, and not like a nerd that spends his time watching movies and playing video games. Trust me.
-Eddie
Interesting comments.. :D
Dwight
I propose that you overthrow Micheal and become Ruler of Cubicles. You seem to beleive that Micheal is above you, and you are always there to do his petty jobs and lick his feet. But no. YOU are the superior. You must hijack Micheal's desk and place him in a large jar 30,000 feet beneath the earth where he will be devoured by cave trolls. Once you are Ruler of Cubicles you can use the fat bald man as your personal footrest and finally have the innards of Jim as your victory meal!! YOU ARE SUPERIOR!! LONG LIVE THE REIGN OF SCHRUTE!!!!!!
Dwight you are my hero
Random and His Sister Talk about you alot. It would be cool to meet you, they are like family, and If you have no Idea what I am talking about then You need to call your cousins and say hello!!!
I know you are a busy man keeping the Scranton office in line and all, but I would love to see more posts on your blog! (Just don't let anyone catch you blogging at work!)
FACT: Merging with the Stamford branch benefited Dwight in no way.
FACT: Andy is a loser+ kissup
FALSE: Andy is in no way Mike's #2 guy(It's Jim)
dwight schrute, youre my hero.
Nice to have you back. Blog more often.
sweeeeeeeet that u have a blog! I'm blogrolling you.
Dear Dwight,
I thought a law-abiding, ex-volunteer deputy sheriff such as yourself would like to make a contribution to your country by patroling the border with your free time. You just watch the border webcams and report any suspicious activity you observe...for example drug smugglers trying to tiptoe across the Texas desert.
www.texasborderwatch.com
jonny
Dwight, don't hesitate to get crazy with Andy. He's all bark, no bite. You need to show him all bite, no bark. I want to see some blood from his carotid artery....ehh..not really. But maybe you should take him to the karate school where Michael beat you down.
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booyakasha
Mmmm, that's some good marmalade.
Hey Dwight, Love the blog. It's very entertaining when I'm bored at work. What do you do at work when you're bored? Do you play D&D or solitaire?
Don't let Jim or Andy get the best of you. Be the bigger man.
Remember, you have the power to see into the future and kick it's ass with a karate chop.
Allie
dwight rules!
Dwight, I think we would all love to see you do a dragon pinch on Andy. Perhaps you could take him to your dojo over lunch.
Dwight,
I bet your Trans Am could take Andy's Xterra in an off-roading duel. Show him Scranton Power!
Jim
Dwight, you rock. thank you for your (oh-so-wise) advices.
"Seventh, don’t let Jim beat you at anything."
he doesn't stand a chance. you win at everything.
stay as you are.
France & french people love you!
Dwight, you are the smartest idiot I know!
Haha, I love your work mate, keep it up.
Much love from down under
Jimmi
Dear Dwight -
Your tie knots are always horrible.
- Ryan
Dwight don't let Andy get the best of you! Tell him to shove his Xterra!
I wonder what Dwight of the Future thinks about this. Will we know tomorrow, perhaps?
>Yeeehaw!
yeehaw? In PA? Would beet farmers actually say Yeehaw? I live in Texas and I don't even say Yeehaw.
Now, saying y'all. Well that's different.
Dwight, i love you man! You are hilarious! Everytime I see you, I just starrt cracking up. You make my thursday nights the best night of the week! Do you have any other movies or shows coming out soon?
I read on the internet that you are the illegitimate son of Garrison Keillor. Could this be true?
FACT: The "others' from Stamford are never going to be able to last in the conditions at Scranton.
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