NBC.com

October 19, 11:16 AM

Beets and Me

"It is difficult to believe how the hardy, crunchy often rough looking exterior of raw beets can be transformed into something wonderfully soft and buttery once they are cooked."
-The Internet

"Beets have the highest sugar content of all vegetables, yet are very low in calories."
-From a website

Varieties
Ruby Red - early crop, flat to globular root

Detroit Dark Red - main crop, globular root
Monogerm - single-seeded variety

Formanova - long tubular root

Crobsy Greentop

Red Ace

There are also golden beets.  They are not made out of gold, but just gold in hue.  I love the word hue.  Why isn't it used more?  It only seems to be used in relation to the X-men, ie: Hue Jackman.

There are three sub-species of beet, The Sea Beet, the Beta Vulgaris and Chard.  Chard is often called "swiss chard" because it is from Switzerland and the the swiss eat it like candy.  I wish I could grow candy.  But candy doesn't grow on farms.  At least not in northeastern Pennsylvania.

Here's what they look like:



The enemies of the beet are the cutworm and the aphid.  They are horrible.  They eat and infest beets.  They are of Satan. The black cutworm larvae is gray to dark brown above and has a greasy appearance. Faint light stripes run lengthwise down the body.

My great great grandfather Manheim cultivated Beets in Manheim, Germany.  Some of the worlds greatest emporers and Czars have sipped Borscht made from the Beets of a Schrute. Then they wiped their Germanic lips and went off to conquer, warm tummies filled with my beet juice.

How does that make me feel?  One word:  Impotant.

Farming begins with the soil.  That is why each day at dawn, Mose and I go to various points of the farm and taste the dirt.  Literally.  You can tell the PH and what I call the 'loam factor' with different parts of the tongue.  Come to Schute farm at dawn and you will see the sillouettes of two lanky German farmers swirling dirt in their mouths as if it was a fine wine.

Do you have any beet stories or recipes or fun facts or pictures or lore, feel free to post below.  Mose is known to read the responses and maybe he'll learn something worth passing on to me, his cousin, Dwight.

by Dwight K. Schrute

COMMENTS

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cool t-shirt based on Schrute's Beet Farm...

http://www.cafepress.com/tubetops/2396755

I designed this shirt in honor of the Christmas Episode. Goose Grease anyone?

http://www.ithaca.edu/ithacappella/hmow/beets.jpg

Dwight: you truly are the vanguard of the CHILDREN OF THE BEETS, but I think your red-juice didn't help the Repubs in this last election. I can tell that you are probably a libertarian, and I hope this change in power does not tilt the protections that your beet crops enjoy against global competition.

Beets suck...

wow, this is the first time you posted in two stinkin' weeks!

its too bad ryan wouldnt wrestle mose.

Beet: The most useful thing ever. Short of apples, which grow on trees. Seeing how I'm a tall person, I can reach higher, rather than reaching down. 6 feet down. Plus, apples can be used to be put in carmel, and in pie. Double Bonus.

One time, I heard that a guy was dying, and he couldn't live no more. Then some guy in a green pair of pants drove to their house, left a bag of beets, and left. The guy ate all the beets, and didn't die. yeah.

Beets are the first vegatable to be used as a form of clothing. They boiled and shaped into cup shaped tube socks.

I eat beets with corn.

Beets suck...they should just Beat it....no pun intended.

As an official member of the Beet Generation, I am just happy to see the beet finally recognized by the mainstream media. I an inspired to write a poem:

Ode to a (and by a) Beet

Beet, oh Beet
Upon the soft conforming shoulders of those who cry out
Beet down and Beet up
Beet around bushes and Beet the heat
By the rap that was Beet so completely

The Beet the officer walks alone
The Beet the boxer knows
The Beet feet forgotten soldiers own
The Beet the transformed egg bestows

Oh Beet, sweet Beet
Too wild to own, too bitter to eat
Take my chair but save my seat
As to my pad I now retreat
A, Ginsberg

Hey Dwight, you should try a burger if you're ever in Australia. They put beets on them there.

Hey why don't all you haters quit posting mean comments about Dwight and just beet it! LOL

I want beets

Love you, but HATED MY Super Ex-Girlfriend.

----

dwight.
beets.
one word: amazing
:]

Did you know that beets can tint your urine red if you eat enough of them? Here's a recipe to make your urine unique.

INGREDIENTS:
12 to 16 small beets
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/4 cup vinegar
1 tablespoon whole pickling spices
PREPARATION:
Wash beets well; cut off leaves about an inch above beets. Cook in boiling water for about 30 to 40 minutes, or until tender. Cool; rub off skins, trim, and slice. Combine sugar and vinegar in a medium saucepan. Tie spices in a small piece of cheesecloth and place in saucepan. Simmer for 15 minutes; add sliced beets and bring to a boil. Discard spices and chill pickled beets before serving. Recipe for pickled beets serves 6.

Enjoy!

I have actually had a rather spiritual encounter with a beet. I was on my way home from work when I stopped at the store to pick up a jar of beets (my wife asked me to). As I was in the beet aisle. I noticed a little old lady bending over. My first reaction was that she had bent back syndrome. As I got closer the old lady was eating them and crying, I asked about it and she said this, "Her husband was in the hospital and he really wanted a beet (they were his favorite). so she drove home and they had none. So she drove to the store, knowing that her husband didn't have much time left. she picked up a jar of beets at the same time her cell phone rang. Her husband had passed away. At this news she had dropped the beets. Knowing her husband wanted to eat them, instead of cleaning them up she ate them as she was crying." From now on, every time I eat beets, I will always remember the man I never knew.

Dear Dwight,
I think you have an excellent hairstyle. Do you remember the hit Nbc sitcom "Friends" starring Jennifer Aniston as Rachel Green?
Well, millions of women (and some men) rushed to the hairdressers demanding the "Rachel Cut".
I propose that you should start the trend in your office by encouraging the "Dwight Cut". I think it would especially look great on Angela.

Beets make your hands turn red.

Hey D-Cup, big fan...until I saw you're not a fan of the subjunctive.

"swirling dirt in their mouths as if it was a fine wine"

should be 'were', not 'was'

Hue Grant, too.

Hey Dwight,
I think you're a big loser for living on a beet farm. I think that you should focus on your work while at the office instead of posting your pointless thoughts on your blog for all the world to see.

Dwight, if I were you, I will sell your beet farm and cousin Mose, and then maybe get yourself a nice car.

But I doubt you'd do that.

You silly boy.

Dwight, Dwight, Dwight...I would have gladly wertsled with fear...Mose isn't very scary...Beets are nasty...and Ryan should have gotten in the coffin...

Dwight I think you are a really funny person. Every Thursday I come home and get really exited to see the new episodes that come on. It really makes me happy that there’s you are on the show. You and Mose are the coolest people on earth!! You are my role model and I really look up to you!

PS You should compete with Jim in a spudgun or paintball war!

If you have never had pickled beets I recommend them. They are quite tasty! I don't like raw beets, but I love them pickled!!

Hello Dwight, as I have stated before you are definitely my hero, and I strive every moment of my waking days to be more like you.
However I have noticed that by eating nothing but raw red beets for the last 5 days my scrotum is turning a bright red.
So I thought I would ask, you do you think that this is a byproduct of overbeeteating
or could it be a symtom of something else ?

Dwight,
Life of Agony is an amazing band, and you're awesome for listening to them in your car. You rule!

Dwight,
As a foodie, I love this post, but as an English teacher, I think a post on THE Beats would have been better? Though I highly doubt you read Ginsberg. I see you as more of a Poe man. ;)
Amy K

You feel "impotant" and not important? Interesting.

Personally, I enjoy beets. They are a tasty item. This is one of the greatest blogs I have read. Keep up the awesome work.

Pickled beets with ranch dressing and sunflower seeds. Nothing better.

FACT: Candy Corn can be grown if the conditions are right. When I was a boy in Wakulla my grandmothers secret lover spoke of his endless fields of candy corn, and some sort of game that he and my granmother used to play.

fact.
you are my hero.

Dwight - were you concerned that the beets would contaminate your urine? "I need clean urine for Michael"!!!

nice

Dwight, Angelia is really dumb

Hey Dwight, BEETS SUCK!

Why don't you just grow candy?

I wonder if Jim likes beets.
Pauli in MI

Dwight -
Why did you stop ending your blog postings with "That is all, Dwight"?????

I love that part.

Dwight already IS my hero!!!

Burton Snowboard Tag Game tagged by cnr913

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNF_P281Uu4
Matt - he'd be a great addition to the Dunder Mifflin company

To the actor playing "Dwight": How can you mis-spell your own name? Look to this post:
Tiffany, I loved your story (and they fact that you did all that typing to convey it). I had a similar reaction to liver as a child. Love Dwigt - October 19, 8:24 pm

Beets are nature's candy?

Well you're sweeter than candy! ;)

I cannot understand this obsession with beets. It's unhealthy and immoral. If Michael finds out what you are doing with them he will be very angry.

Dwight, although beets are important, can they ever be put in the same catagory as, say, corn, potatoes, or legumes? I pray not. for in the veggie world, the beet is but a bloody, round,dirt-laddened, semi-veg. move on, Brave warrior, the veggie world need more people like you

i don't think dwight wrote this. i think they have passed this onto someone who is not very dwight-like.

can you send me the directions to your beet farm ... have you found any one else with yyour gaydar

Question...Are there different color beets than red and do they taste different based on their difference in coloring?

Hey, you didn't say "That is all" this time.

Hey Dwight, how about you come over sometime, and I'll make some nice buttery beets?!

So, Dwight did you put your seed in Temp?

Don't forget to read my beet story, you can't beat it.

I would imagine that if I were to visit your beet farm at dawn, I would also find the disposed condoms of teenagers.

Dwight, I agree in principal with your unconventional, sometimes harsh Training methods you used on Temp this week, however, Do you really think he's ready. Lets face it, he's not Assistant to the Assistant Assistant Regional Manager material, so don't waste your time. Instead see if you can lure Jim's pretty new Office mate to Scranton with your good looks and charm.

Dwight, you freakin' rule! Last night's episode gave me a great idea...how about me, you and Mose get down and dirty with some old fashioned "beet wrestling". Like Jello wrestling but with beets. Sound like fun?

Dwight, I find your fascination with beets quite amusing.

Nevertheless, onto other matters. In the documentary I viewed last night, I observed that you made reference to the Dharma Initiative. I can only assume that you took part in the activities that almost led to my downfall earlier this summer.

Here is my advice to you, little minded man. Enjoy your life while you can. For you will be part of the 30% that will fall, making way for the rest of mankind.

Namaste

I once won a beet eating contest in college--everything was purple for a few days.

When I was a child my mother force fed me beets. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until all beets were gone, leaves and all. I hate beets. I hate beef tongue too... but that's a different story.

just for the record i think beets are just as good as candy this is one of the times detective Micheal Scarn was wrong

P.S. question If you enlist in the Dwight army of chamions do you get a spud gun. . . if not you could teach us karate and we ncould kick some slackers but

beets are my favorite food. question how old is your cousin. also how long have you been taking karate YOU ROCK!!!

p.s. I want to become part of the Dwight Army of Champions!! I hate slackers!! ;-)

Dwigt you are the coolest guy in the office and personally I liked your beet story. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

Dwight,
Coming from a beet farming community, I can totally relate to your love for beets. The smell is one of a kind, but they can become very dangerous if they spill onto the road....very slippery. I knew we had a deep connection.

Dwight, it was bitchin' to see your Trans Am GTA get some more airtime last night, throwing up some major roostertails on the beet farm road! Mad props for finding one with the digital dash and the overhead console! You rocking the 305 v8 or the L98 350?

Sorry Dwight, no time to think about beets on Pretzel day.

i hate beets but i love you, dwight. you're like... totally sweet

Right on Dwight!

Finally someone has written about Germanic lips is a positive manner!

Great story Tiffany. My parents would scream, "Eat your beets! Its not poison!" Canned beets, no less. Sickly sweet, perfumey smelling, pre-sliced discs of awful. We, as Americans of German descent, do not need to eat beets anymore. Its like sucking marrow out of bones.

Dwight may as well breed oxen for the gourmet ox tail market. Greasy, vertebrae soup with the faint aroma of anus. Or how about undercooked, urine-stenched kidney dishes?

Beefy Borscht
stewing beef
butter/oil
bay leaf
thyme
mustard(dry or fresh)
onions 2 large onions
nutmeg(fresh grated is best-you only need a little)
salT pepper
Garlic 3 or 4 piecesor more to taste
beets + tops
soup stock (chicken or beef or mix of both) about 6cups
chinese cabbage

+ any other veg/greens(whatever's left in fridge)
optional-sometimes I add beer and of course sour cream for the top- I usually serve with a nice pumpernickel or crusty bread with lots of butter, yum
you might wanna get some rubber gloves and not wear nice clothes as the beets stain-this is the most intricate part.
1. peel and clean beets as good as you can, place them in pot to boil medium for about 20mins-save red beet water!!
2. take beet tops and take out red stalk and rinse them and cut in pieces to set aside for later
3.after beets have cooled to touch take them out of water and grate them on a cheese grater into a bowl, you can put the beet tops with them and also clean and cut the chinese cabbage and put that in bowl as well
4. take stewing beef and cut into bite sized chunks brown meat& 1 piece of garlic in mixture of butter & oil and bay leaf and add onions in big old soup pot, add mustard and nutmeg just at the end of meat browning
5. take meat & onion mix out of pot and add any veg you got to brown in the meat bottom pan, scrap the bottom of the pan to get all the good brown stuff-you may want to add some lemon juice or maybe balsamic vinegar here or beer just to dissolve the meat stuff
6. add cabbage, beets and beet green tops back into pot+ chick or beef stock stirr
7. take left over beet water-you may want to strain it with a coffee filter depending how dirty beets were to begin with -and add this to pot
8. let it come up to boil, you will see pink foam on the top form as it boils just skim that off with spoon, turn heat down to simmer, no lid, stirring occasionally
9. after about 20 mins I usally add pepper, salt, more garlic and thyme
10. cook for another 30mins and serve with sour cream and bread

I'm the quiz master!

- - I bet if I were to write something that really showcases my wit, NBC execs will contact me with an offer in no time...ahh, I've got nothing.- -

Why are there only red beets??

Do you think Michael Jackson was really singing about beets?

All I can say is after last nights show I have a new appreciation for Dwight. He was listening to Life of Agony in his car-only the greatest metal band of all time. Keith Caputo has the most beautiful voice and the searing guitar will burn into your brain...in a good way!
Go Dwight!!

Do we have beet farms in scranton ??

Who wants a beet? Why don't you grow candy? I could sure use a piece of candy right now.

The reason Hugh Jackman grew giant claws is because his mother ate many beets when she was pregnant in Australia.

Have you ever been beaten with a beet?

beats me.

One time when I was in elementary school during lunch I got a plate full of cranberries (the kind that look like they come from a can). I was so happy that they had them and when I tried them they tasted funny. That's because they weren't cranberries but beets.

That's my beet story.

ilu dwight. I hope you and Ryan are happy together forever.

Fact: You may be eating beets and not even know it. Betacyanins are derived from beets and used to add a red color to foods such as yogurt.

Bonus Fact: You may also be eating beetles and not know it. One of the most used red colorings, carmine, is derived from cochineal beetles. You can find it in yogurt, ice cream and juices.

Who has 2 thumbs and loves beets--this guy!!!

Dwight, it was great to finally see the Schrute beat farm on tonight's episode!

Wait, Dwight, you said that your grandfather Manheim grew beets in Germany. Then you said the emporers and Czars drank Borsht made of Schrute beets. Did both the Manheim's and the Schrute's grow beets in the old country? When did the two lineages actually converge and when did they move to America? Your family history is certainly interesting.

I had an Aunt Beet once. Her real name was Beatrice, but we called her Aunt Beet. When she called on the phone she said, "How are ya" kinda in a flat drawn out Southern voice. Never hello, always "how are ya". She didn't have indoor plumbing until 1970. She grew really good beets. Hummm, I wonder.........

Dwight, did you want to grow candy because Michael said it was "useful"?

Thank you. I am most flattered. I told my story not to convert current beet lovers. I told my story, just to share my experience. If you love beets, so be it. I love you because you love beets, because someones gotta eat them, and it won't be me. :D

Dwight..This is Muse. Call me AS SOON as you get to the office...There is an emergency on the farm.

www.dwightkurtschrute.blogspot.com

Tiffany, I loved your story (and they fact that you did all that typing to convey it). I had a similar reaction to liver as a child.

fact - You are not important, and you ARE impotent...therefore, it was not a spelling error, it was actually a FACT

The smell of beets makes me gag too. And the "impotant" thing, well that just made me laugh. Maybe beets cause ED if eaten too much in early childhood. Only Dwight knows the answer to that...

Everyone loves Chocolate Beet Cake. Dwight, don't you grow chocolate beets? That sucks.

As a young child I grew up with parents that grew there own vegetables. Alas this was not so great for me....Here is why.... My parents just so happend to grow beets amongst their robust harvest every year. After carefully picking the beets and carrying them inside by the bushel, they would cook them and can them....I would dry heave at the smell of beets. They would prepare these beets, plain or even only in ways that only a gourmet chef would know how. I would always refuse to eat my beets.... I would hide them it napkins, under my plate, never in my pockets ( I learned that one the hard way, I had pink pockets...that is a whole other story). Then one damp cool evening, my mother was away, and my father was left to prepare the evening meal for my siblings and myself. I was curious tiptoeing into the kitchen, and hopeful for steamed carrots, buttered broccoli perhaps. But no, NO! it was beets. Just plain beets. My little pittering heart stopped and stood still for a moment. The only word that I felt at that moment...CRAP!
Well, I was served a generous portion of these bloody, red, foul smelling, tummy turning veggies. My father was eyeing me very closely, I was looking for any way out. I slowly ate around my plate until the only thing that remained was the BEETS. My father knew that I was avoiding these infamous roots. He slowly raised himself out of his chair, then made his way over to me where I was sitting so small in my chair at the dinner table. He bent over and looked me in the eye and said "eat your beets". I sunk lower in my chair and looked mournfully up at him and said, "I don't like beets." He lifted his brow and thoughtfully squinted his eyes as if what I just told him was something that really needed to be pondered. I dared to look him in the face as if I was ready to argue any reason why I should not be forced to eat the beets. He simply said "just eat them, they are good for you." I shouldn't have but I did "but I don't like them, they're gross". I announced vehemently. Big mistake. I no more than blinked my wee little eyes, and my father had a fist full of juicy beets. He grabbed me by the back of the neck, and before I knew it, he literally shoved these yucky beets into my mouth, in attempts to make me eat them. Well, this was his mistake. He must have not of realized that I did, really hate beets. Oh the horrific taste!!! I started to see spots, the room became a blur. I wasn't sure what to do with this aweful bloody blob of veggies in my mouth. Spit it out, no, I would just get into more trouble. Swallow them, oh heeccckk no!, even under these extreme circumstances, I would still not eat them. All of a sudden the room spinned faster, my little tummy turned. Then without notice, a great power within me expelled these yucky ucky beets. I vomited, spewed, hurled, chucked, these BEETS all over my father. I was 4 then now 25. I never ate a beet again.

Nice blog! I'm a huge fan and I want to see more Dwight/Angela moments. =)

Is Manheim, Germany also where they make all those steamrollers?

Hey Dwight! Do you enter your harvest in the annual Pennsylvania Beet-Off? I hear it's up the highway to Hershey.

Dear Hate, calm your blue state self right down. Embrace your inner Amish kindness. Go whittle a naked woman. RELAX.

hey! why you be hating on dwight?!?!
the man is a frickin god!...
but i could see were you might want to F*** him :)

D, beets rule. Though they stain a nasty red if not handled properly. And how's bout that Mose? Who knew he was such a charmer. And he whittles. I wonder if Angela has met Mose. And you finally called Ryan by his name. Maybe you'll be nice to Phyllis some day. You better be or you won't get an invite to the wedding.
Best episode yet this season.

oh hell no i want to f***ing kick his ASS

YOU'RE FREAKING SEXY

hi dwight u rock ur cousin moze is cool to i like the thing he widdled in this weeks episode

f*** you dwight

I hear Michael's favorite pizza from Sbarros is beets and sausage. Dwight, write this down. Michael is know to enjoy a beet from time to time. They're delicious, they're good for you. They make fine seasonal gifts. I'm glad we see eye to eye about beets, Heir Schrute.

Dwight you rock!!! Keep on being dwight!! urr fricking hillarios!!

Two words -- Borscht Baby!

Another two -- I love beets (ok, + one)

Give me a call at 847-968-9806

Dwight... you make beets sooo sexy. You'll be in my dreams...

You people are mean! Dwight has better things to do than run a spell check! Plus, the misspelled words add character to this blog. I find it charming. Now, to destroy Angela and become Mrs. Schrute!
PS - "Beets in the bedroom: pros and cons" DISCUSS!!!

Hello Dwight. Question, have you ever heard of beet stew?

I have never been so aroused by a vegetable and it's many ways. Beet on my dear friend........Beet on!

hey mustard man...did you ever think that impotant was intended to be funny? because i happen to think it's hilarious.

About the magic of beets. I forgot to warn you that the more beets you use the higher you will levitate. SO, if it wears off when you are 15 feet in the air,it could be very dangerous.

Dwight, you love of the Beet is aspiring to us all....
Maybe you should stop eating them if they make you feel impotant. I would think you and Angela will want to continue the Shrute name for the next generation.

I read somewhere that beets have magical properties. If you take a beet and soak it in purified water overnight under a full moon, and then put it in a juicer and make juice with it, then pour the juice over your head (best done in a shower, naked so that you can clean yourself afterward, it will stain carpet), and say the following while pouring: May the power of the beet flow through me from head to feet." You will be able to levitate. This will wear off after a short while so if you want to go anywhere via levitation, you should use a whole peck of beets. A "peck" is german for bucket.

Impotent, eh? Angela won't be too happy to hear about that...

This beets all other blog entries. Does the DHARMA Inititave grow beets? Are there any beets on Lost Island? Dwight, please don't beet your meat!

two words = spell check

The Beets were on a show called "Doug", 2nd best show ever!

P.S. will you please autograph a beet and send it to me?

Dwight, I was wondering if you would be my hero?

I don't like beets. I think they taste like dirt regardless of their hue. But I like you Dwight.

My beet story is: on that show on Nickelodeon I watched when I was 6, there was a band called "The Beets", were they Schrutes?

I would think that as such an expert cultivator of beets, you would have a jar of pickled beets at your disposal somewhere at your desk. Or a glass of beet juice. Although beet juice and paper don't really mix well.

I never thought of beets like I do now. Dwight has shown me the way to beet glory.

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DATE: 09/20/2005 07:19:00 PM

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